how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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