My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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