your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
