I smell stomach acid.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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