You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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