Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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