Sry I called you an 8
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I wear drunk well.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
