it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
