fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize