they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
