Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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