Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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