It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
