well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
wow bdsm is so cute
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
