I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
