It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
