bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
