He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
