fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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