Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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