I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
