I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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