Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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