Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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