First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
