My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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