96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
