whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
