I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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