dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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