I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
