I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
