i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
