Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize