apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I think my moral compass just broke
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
