how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
