Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She bit a glass in half.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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