I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
