so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
