Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize