shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
