you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
