Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
