i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
