so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
