so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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