I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
