idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
