i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
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Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
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