I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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