only if we run a train.
done.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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