She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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