You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
