I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
