he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
