I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
