So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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