You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
