apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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