i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Acid is not a monday night drug
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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