with your own penis?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
