I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
