Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
