i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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