she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
