I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
