i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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