My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
