we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
