A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
