my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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