i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
