You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
